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Encouragement on His Terms
I had a breakdown yesterday in the middle of driving to a Community Group to present my ministry. I haven’t cried in quite a while, and apparantly once you let a little water through the dam, the whole thing explodes. Such was my experience yesterday. I don’t know if it was just an overwhelming amount of stress or exhaustion, but I just bawled and cried out to God with all kinds of emotions that I might have been suppressing up to this point. Through the snot and tears, I think these were the main I am tired. It is extremely exhausting to raise support and even more exhausting when I am not really on the successful side of things. I feel discouraged. I really only have one committed family sending me monthly support right now, and it is very hard to have faith that He will provide, and that the doors are not closed. I feel alone. When I am in the States, I am surrounded by a family and a church that loves me and supports me and I am ridiculously blessed by them all, but I am not surrounded by other missionaries who understand what I am going through. I am not surrounded by individuals who have triumphed over this part of their ministry and can encourage me to fight. I want to be in Bolivia—where I can have the kind of support that I cannot get here. I feel like giving up. I know that I won’t. But at some points its just so hard to be rejected by yet another church who’s finances are already being used by another missionary. I want to have faith and persevere but its proving to be such a challenge that its easier to give up, but I know that it would be a mistake to do so. When I finally made it to the Community Group last night, I put on a smile and shared about Bolivia almost expecting the worst. Expecting them to just respond politely without really listening. But they were interested. Genuinely interested in what I had to share. They intentionally prayed for me and encouraged me in the ministry. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with this group of individuals, most of whom I had never met before. It was an encouragement I needed and was longing for. I don’t know if any of them are able to join my team financially, and I’m not really concerned about that, but I know that they are and will continue to pray for me, and for that I am forever grateful. I just keep going back to the drive I had to their home. I was expecting the worst, and God blew my expectations out of the water with His grace. How often do I expect God to not show up? How often do I lose faith in His promises; in His plan; in His love for me? BUT….. HE IS ON MY SIDE. Even when I’m not on His. God really does want what is best for me. Even when I doubt His love. He knows my future. Even when I think I know better. He has great things in store for my life. Even when I want to give up. He moves in ways that I will never understand. Even when I think I do. HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES YOU. And that will never change. I know that He will provide the funds for me to go to Bolivia. I know the door is open for me to walk through it; I truly believe that. I just need to remember that I believe that during the times that are the toughest for me to get through. Please continue to pray for perseverance in this time of support raising. Pray that I will be encouraged. Pray that God will bring more people into my life that have the gift of encouragement. Pray that I will be encrouaging others as well with my story and my desires for ministry. I hope you all got your letters in the mail! They were sent this week. If you did not receive a letter, please email me at: rgentry@southamericamission.org, and I will be sure to send you a letter! Thanks for your prayers and support!
Jesus Take the Wheel
I hadn’t realized how low my self-esteem is until I came to Bolivia. This has been a week of struggle for me. On a daily basis I have been fighting the lies the enemy has been feeding me, and frankly, I am tired. Its funny how easy it is to believe that I am not worthy, to believe that I am not good enough, and that I’m not as good as someone else. I get frustrated with my Spanish skills (or lack thereof) and I want to give up. I feel like I’m not teaching my students anything, and I want to quit. Today I listened to Pastor Mark’s sermon entitled “What Wears Jesus Down.” His sermon was based on the passage in Mark 8:11-21 where the disciples argue about food they forgot on the boat almost immediately after Jesus fed the 5,000. ”Jesus sighed deeply” it wore Jesus down to see that his disciples, the ones that have faithfully been following him, had unbelief. As much as I want to look at this passage with a perspective of “duh, Peter! you should have known,” and as much as I have the desire to slap the disciples upside the head, I am realizing that I relate to them a lot more than I want to admit. I am seeing that the further into this ministry I go the less faith and reliance on Christ I seem to have. In the beginning, I had this mission trip high, where I changed so many of bad habits an with good intention had a desire to rely on Christ with such positivity and passion. But nowhere in the Bible does it say it is going to be easy, and its important for me to admit and accept that its hard. I know I need to cast my cares upon Him, and let Him take the wheel of my life. Otherwise, I, in my inadequacy, will burnout faster than a flame in the middle of a lake filled with jet-skiers. So as I finish this up, I am blasting and belting Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus take the Wheel” and reminding myself that He provides, and this should be my prayer every single day. When I feel alone and that I relate to no one, God provides a friend to encourage me and to be transparent with me about her feelings of loneliness. When I feel inadequate, God provides someone to encourage me in a simple but voluminous way. When I am missing home, God provides a way to call my parents and talk to them. When I am believing lies, God provides the truth. When I am worrying about finances and support, God provides. God provides. He has control over all circumstances, details, and I am ecstatic to be reminded to have joy in it all. If you skipped through the rest of this update, READ BELOW!!!! I am at peace with this decision, and I believe that God will provide the right amount of finances and faith for this to become a success and a reality. I will be returning to the States in April to begin raising support for this coming year, but if you feel God tugging at your heart to give to God’s ministry here in Bolivia, please don’t hesitate to do so (click the link below). I am in need of monthly supporters for this coming year. So please begin praying about where you fit in to this ministry. God has a plan, and I can’t wait to see how it will be carried out!
snapshots from recent adventures:
a dear friend, Ally, and myself on the roof of an apartment building, overlooking the city of Santa Cruz :) a couple of SCCLC students at Servant Day. We painted a few rooms in a public school, in order to “serve.”
Just the amount of work it probably took for these people to fill this car up with watermelons almost broke my heart enough to get out and buy one….almost..
Rainy-Season roadblock…AAH! :)
super funny and silly puppet show at church this morning :) That’s all for now! I appreciate your support and prayers! Until next time..
(Source: consumerbehaviourself, via art-shit)
Resting in Him
There are so many things I want to share about the week I just had. This week was filled with adventures and new experiences, all that I’d love to share, but that would make this post entirely too long. Here are some highlights, though WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: God is teaching me how to embrace the “now.” The next few months are completely an unknown, but God is showing me that its ok not to know the future. What a concept, huh? Not knowing the future, or what He has in store? Wow. Matthew 6 continues to radiate in my mind. God is continuing to show me how to rest in Him and he is challenging me not to worry. Along those lines, God is also showing me the importance of walking through the doors he opens. When I stepped off the plane in Santa Cruz (this time), I knew exactly where I was and everything just became clear and familiar. Through the conversations I have had, I think God is showing me that this feeling of familiarity and clarity is really an overwhelming sense of peace. This sense of peace I don’t seem to feel anywhere else I have been in the world. I feel like I know I belong here. Like I should be here. Like I fit. This is exactly what I was exploring while I was student teaching last fall. What I wanted to decide through that experience is what I specifically gained now. Its funny how God works isn’t it? THE ADVENTURES OF RACHEL IN SANTA CRUZ: January 2012 ed. Day 1: ZOO: There was an array of animals, from llamas and monkeys to deer and armadillo!! It was a blast Day 2: Bolivian Church, Brazilian BBQ & Pre-Carnaval Parade: I went with two other missionaries to a Bolivian Church and we went to Brazilian BBQ (In Bolivia?) afterwards, where we ran into the Pre-Carnaval Parade that had hundreds of youth doing Bolivian folk dances through the Plaza of Santa Cruz. Carnaval is just like what Americans know to be Mardi Gras. The Bolivians here, though, take the holiday to a level that no American has ever known. The holiday is celebrated for almost an entire week, and most Christian evacuate the city because the celebration gets very very intense. Please pray for the safety of Santa Cruz during Carnaval. Day 3-6: Teaching: I started with the 7th and 9th graders!!! The 9th graders are starting Romeo & Juliet this week, and so far they are responding in a typical adolescent and awkward way, which is to be expected. Pray that they continue to embrace Shakespeare’s humor, and that they are not turned off to the love story. This week we are starting the Masquerade scene and we are actually going to have our very OWN Masquerade!! :) Day 7-8: A weekend of rest and rejuvenation: Friday night ended with a wonderful time spent with other teachers. We watched a fun movie and spent the night just enjoying eachother’s company. I went to another Bolivian church with another missionary family living here on the base. Please pray that I can continue to develop the relationships God has given me with the other teachers here in Santa Cruz. Pictures will be coming soon!
I would like to meet the love of my life in a setting just like this one. 
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